The leaves are falling and withering, like a reflection of me and my declining mood.

 

This morning, when I woke up, the blanket felt warm, while the air was cool. A month ago, I slept without a blanket, and now I can hardly let go of it. So, autumn has arrived. And in the mornings, my weighted blanket feels incredibly cozy.

I now drink my morning coffee with the special milk that baristas use. I'm afraid to switch back to regular milk in case it tastes bad.

I've become really fond of colorful tights, especially purple and pink ones. I've already left tops and shorts behind, though I can't seem to let go of dresses. This has proven to be a bit of a problem. Tights have solved this issue for now, but even they will be replaced by sweatpants as soon as the temperature dips below zero.

So, the train rides between home and school have begun again, and I'm thinking a lot during these trips. The wasps buzzing around the train station have finally disappeared. I no longer have to run around platform six to escape them. On the train, I often sit with friends, but sometimes it's nice to just stare out the window and reflect. Nowadays, I listen to radio stations from Los Angeles in the background, which brings the U.S. a little closer to me.

One day on the train, I saw a very stylish older woman. A red leather jacket paired with matching red leather gloves. A Desigual bag and a hairstyle that looked fresh from the salon. I'm not sure if others notice these fashion-conscious people in everyday life. It's all in the small details, which many miss as they walk by. Another everyday fashion icon I admire is one of the teachers at my school (maybe an English teacher, I’ll find out one day). She always wears a blazer that matches her shoes. Ruched blouses and a very fine brown leather work bag. I’m completely in awe of leather bags in general. I look at and admire the teachers and students at school who have chosen one for themselves. I had one too, but the handle broke. I carry too much with me.

I've noticed that many of the things I carry are red—I still love red. Hello Kitty-themed items have also taken over my life, thanks to Japan. My goal is to fill my school bag with mascots and fluffy keychains, just like Japanese girls decorate their school bags. Right now, hanging on mine are Hello Kitty and Shooky mascots, which I got from my lovely host sister.

Since I’m a person who notices small details, I’ve also started evaluating people's wallets. At the vendingmachines at school, at store checkouts, and anywhere they come out. At the bottom of my list are people who use their phones as a card—so no wallet or bank card at all, just paying for everything with their phone. Just one step above, but still near the bottom, are phone wallets, where cards are kept in the phone case or between the case and the phone. Neither of these involves an actual wallet, which I find a bit boring, even if convenient. I’m just the type to go for the harder way if it looks nicer.

Third place goes to all the new-looking brown, white, or all-black designer wallets, the kind with the logo printed all over the fabric and usually so small they only fit cards. Next are cardholders, which can look stylish—depending on how they’re made. 

Near the top are cute, personalized wallets (I’m part of this category). They’re, well, cute! Fun, especially if something nice dangles from them, like keys or a keychain (like mine). Bonus points if the wallet holds more than just money, carrying all your essentials. In this category are also colorful, large wallets that could pass as mini handbags.

But at the very top of my list are old, brown leather wallets. They are perfect, especially if the picture slot holds an old photo of a deceased relative, home, or something else with personal meaning.

I keep falling in love with Elvis, over and over again. He always comes back every now and then, especially during the hardest times. Elvis speaks on behalf of my emotions, better than I could express myself. If you want to know how I feel, ride the train in car 1, seat 11 (on the right side when entering) and play Elvis. Let him sing all your heartache for you. I also think Elvis is one of the rare artists whose most popular song is actually their best. Usually, when listening to an artist, I find that the real gems aren’t the radio hits, and I get tired of them once I discover the better tracks. However, with Elvis, Can’t Help Falling in Love truly is his best song. Even though I hear it everywhere, I never get tired of it. I haven’t found another song from Elvis that evokes the same feelings (though there are others at the top of my list, like I’ll Remember You, I’ll Never Fall in Love Again, etc.).

I’ve noticed how many people own dogs, which is kind of silly for me to only realize now, considering it’s common knowledge that dogs are the world’s most popular pet. I’m a bit scared of dogs, but they can be pretty cute. Sometimes, on trains, I have staring contests with them.

I’m doing my best not to sink into seasonal depression. But it's part of life for a person like me who feels deeply and empathizes intensely. Still, spring will come soon. Or at least, we’re getting closer to it—the only season I can truly say I love.

with love, Blu